Me: What’s with all these extra whiskers? That’s not lady like… Should we get you a wax? Will: *Coddling the dog* You’re just jealous! You wish you had eyelashes like that! Will to the Dog: You just flutter those cheek lashes and you can get anything you want Sweetheart. With Oakley in his lap, Will [...]

Will is sitting in the recliner watching the news when Widget hops in his lap. Will: Hi! Why…Why are you wet? Widget circles his lap trying to get comfy. Will: Why are you wet? She sits down. Will: Answer the question. Purr. Will: Your face is all wet. You’ve been drinking out of the toilet [...]

Will: It doesn’t hurt nearly as bad if you don’t look at it. I tried to tell you all that but nooo ’cause we want things to hurt as much as possible by looking at them.  

Me: I hope you can feel my eyes rolling at you. Will: I hope your eyes roll out of your head. Me: They won’t grant divorces based on eyes rolling out of heads. Will: Sure they do. I’ll say to them “Do you see how sassy she is?! Her eyes just rolled out of her [...]

Kylie: Daddy! We have two Chinese kids in our class. Will: Asians, Honey. How do you know they are Chinese? Kylie: Well, they looked Chinese. Will: You don’t make that assumption. You look like a hippopotamus. I don’t call you a hippopotamus.  

  Will: You’re going into the lava. *Pushes Ky off the bed* Kylie: I’m falling into lava!!! Will: It will be ok. *Continues to push*

My husband in response to the recent California Wildfires: Kind of make you wonder, when they settled in California, was it on fire? ‘Cuz there was no one there to put out the fires. “This place is beautiful. Ignore the fires.”

It’s been 5 years since he last bought himself a pair of sneakers. Will: They make my feet look so tiny and cute! Quick! Action shot!

Will: I’m a little disappointed in the Australian volleyball team. Me: Why’s that? Will: They’re wearing pants.

Last night on Freaks and Creeps on Nat Geo, Lucy Cooke and her team tranquilize a Proboscis Monkey to learn more about its rather large nose. Then, this happened: Me: Hey, hey guys. There were these strange people in the woods last night. They shot me with a dart, measured my balls and put this [...]